Saturday 31 May 2008

On Changing the World

Thats it, ladies and gents. After exactly 17 years, 4 months and 28 days, i have done it.

I have figured out the solution to all the world's problems

*theme from jaws*


And the answer is: Sex!




No, actually, thats just wistful thinking.
The real answer involves an absolutely un-sexy mix of identity, unity and modification of behaviour considered normal for thousands of years.

Sex sounds so much better, doesnt it.


Anyway. Here starts the serious blog:

Have you opened a newspaper recently? Sure, the sports section is fine, with United winning the premier league AND the champions league (HA!), and the Euro on the verge of starting. But have you seen the world section? Just a glance will tell you that everything is messed up, that something went wrong somewhere, and now hundreds of thousands people are unhappy and dying. Somewhere or another, our parents made a mistake, because while we’re supposed to be advancing as a people, aiming to become the greatest civilisation this universe will ever see, the walls are crumbling and coming down around us.

I’m not gonna even bother listing down all the problems. Go open the paper.

What is going on? Why is everything so wrong? Racism, intolerance, violence, hatred… All these things cause such conflict that world-wide peace seems such a distant boat on the horizon, one in the middle of the Bermuda triangle, being blasted by cannons on one side, sinking into a whirlpool on the other, with Godzilla and the Kraken waiting for a bite, and heavy storm clouds above it, and…. Well, you get the idea.

It must be stopped. I’ve always believed that not having the ability to do something is fine, but having the potential and wasting it is an unforgivable crime. And who has more potential than the nine billion people inhabiting the planet at the moment. We’ve seen what people can do; look around you, everything you have is the result of the labour of a SMALL group of people. Imagine, just imagine what can be achieved if every person on the planet achieves his or her or its full potential. If no one was blown up in a suicide bomb attack, if no one starved, if everyone could afford to go to school, if everyone could get healthcare, if everyone had the freedom and opportunity to express themselves and all their ideas. Its breathtaking, truly beyond what words can encompass, this possibility. I can almost see it, and it is great, oh so great. But sadly, it is as impossible as it is great.

Makes me want to cry.

So I’ll repeat myself. All these problems in the world MUST be stopped, so that we can reach our potential, so we don’t commit the greatest crime of all and fail to fulfil this greatness lying latent in our people. But how?

I decided to do some logical thinking. Before we can stop these conflicts, we must know what lies at the heart of them. Why do all these bad things happen?

Simple. It’s identity.

Tommy Lee Jones said, in Men In Black: ‘A person is smart. But many persons, people, people are wild, unpredictable beasts.’ I cant remember the exact quote, but that was it, more or less.

He hit the nail whack-bam straight on the head.

A person by himself is fine. But when groups of people clump together, they start forming an ‘identity’, which involves everything from customs to beliefs to laws. Everything a person is is defined by his identity. And in return for this obedience to his ‘clan’, the person is rewarded with security, a sense of normalcy and belonging and purpose. This is what religion and race and nationality all involve. For the loyalty a person gives, he gets back a ‘family’, essentially.

Now this shouldn’t really be a problem. Identity isn’t a bad thingy, it helps a person live. So why is it causing trouble? People take their identities far too seriously. Clannish behaviour is essentially when these people, so obsessed with their own group, concentrate solely on the affairs and welfare of themselves, and their group. What other people think or want no longer matters; in fact, it is often seen as an imminent threat on them. Religion, nationality, race, perhaps even gender, all these classes work that way, they all fuel this clannish behaviour. One religion tries to impose its ideology on another, countries don’t care about any suffering going on outside their borders, people of one race are constantly trying to gain an advantage over people of another.

There. That is the reason the world is in such turmoil. Take any situation. Al-Qaeda? An example of a religious group, assured of its righteousness, trying to change everyone around them. The LTTE in Sri Lanka. Idiots, they only care about whether THEY get land and rights and power. Who cares who has to die for it? The mighty junta in Myanmar. While that cyclone decimated the people, they prevented foreign aid from giving swift help. Why? Because they were not part of the Junta clan! Who knows what those devious outsiders had planned. In Malaysia, all kinds of racial discrimination goes on, so people of one race can be assured success. Why? Because that’s the way things are. You stand for your own kind.

It’s a selfishness that gauls me. People are so self-absorbed it’s amazing. How can you care so little about another person, simply because he’s not ‘one of you?’

So it’s this selfish clan behaviour that so undermines any sort of effort towards global unity. And while it’s definitely not the only cause, it is a major factor in the complex equation that always gives destruction as the answer.

Why does this clannish behaviour come about? Let us scale it down for a while. Take a nice big school, with lots of different children. The different cliques are almost immediately visible. The group of ‘cool’ kids who always sit at their own table at lunch, hardly ever talking to anyone outside their group. The big bullies, who patrol the play ground, picking on anyone who isn’t the same size. The Goths, withdrawn and dark, keeping to themselves and glaring at anyone happier than them (which is just about everyone). Like the macrophages in our bodies, they quickly swarm and engulf any intruder identified as ‘non-self’. But why the hostility?

What do all these kids have in common? If you kidnap a kid from each clique, it will be painfully obvious: The cool kid probably sticks to his group to remind himself that he’s worth something. The bully is probably just a big scared baby, taking out his wrath on smaller kids so no one will mess with him. And the goth is probably just in it for the identity, so people will see him and think ‘oh, he’s a goth kid!’.

They’re all insecure. Insecure about themselves, about their self worth, about what other people think about them.

Now let’s scale it right back up. Why would all the great clans of the world be insecure?

They’re all afraid of losing out to some other group. That’s the key part. Every single group in the world, at one point or another, is afraid that some rival bunch somewhere will take something that they could have had. Perhaps even something they needed to have. And so they move to prevent it, move to defend the ‘I’s and the ‘Me’s of the group, move to keep all they can within the clan, and sabotage others from prospering at their expense. Because if a group loses out, it might render them obsolete or extinct, and remember, these groups form the identity of all the people inside them. No one wants to be obsolete, so you can be sure that people will fight for their identities, and thus their groups, till the very end.

Why are these groups so afraid of others getting ahead? It’s basic instinct. Survival of the fittest. The man that has fire lives, the man without it dies. People in one clan NEED to have more than people in the other, its simple instinct: get out ahead of those around you, you’ll survive; fall behind, you die. Fear drives it, creates an in-born need to compete, and win. From this need to be better come all the other fallacies plaguing the world today: Greed, anger, retaliation, jealousy, all those demons come from the simple insecurity of a group of people, their fear that they’ll face obliteration if they allow others to flourish without keeping pace.

It’s all Darwin’s fault.

Now here’s the ultimately depressing bit. This survival of the fittest instinct is purely human nature. That’s the way we are. When someone has a bigger house, we get jealous. When someone takes credit for something we did, we get angry. When someone seems to want to hurt you, you retaliate. It’s all instinctual. It’s what kept us alive back in old times, and we can’t fight it.

Or can we? Take racism for example. It’s been proven that even young children are more likely to trust someone with the same colour skin as them. This is because our race is our clan, and it is supposed to be full of people similar to us, and people whom we can trust (supposedly). And everyone else is the enemy, they are different, and they must not be allowed to do better than our race. I won’t lie, even I get racist feelings and thoughts, and I am very much ashamed of them. I see something happen, my first instinct is often ‘ah, it’s because he’s so and so, all of them are like that’. I think all of us get thoughts that follow along those lines. It’s not whether we get these feelings that matter; it’s what you do with them. Do you act racist? I know I don’t. I make a conscious effort to quash any sort of racist feeling that may develop, and I examine and re-examine myself thoroughly to keep any sort of un-fair bias out.

There. It IS possible to control your natural instincts. And that’s not the only example. You don’t go around sleeping with everyone you see, do you? (A pity, I wouldn’t have minded that too much.) And you don’t excrete all over the place, even if you need to. You find a bathroom! These are all examples where human nature says one thing, but we’ve controlled ourselves and reigned in our urges. And for what? At the risk of sounding terribly cheesy, I’ll say it: It’s for the greater good.

So perhaps there is an ever so thin sliver of hope left, a rescue plane taking off from the other side of the world to try and save the screaming crew of that doomed ship. When you feel these urges, these clannish instincts, suppress them. Forget about them. Fight human nature.

Perhaps, just perhaps, it might save all of us.

I don’t dare to hope.

It is up to us. The new generation. This is our world now, not mine or yours or his. OURS. We need one another, though you might not be able to see it. We CAN build a world where no one needs to be insecure, where no one has to fear being left behind or losing out, where the greater good for everyone takes precedence over an individual’s instinct to be better. But only a universal effort will succeed. EVERYONE must chose to care more about their neighbour than themselves, everyone must be called to go beyond thinking about individuals and clans, and start realising that we’re all in this together in the end, every single one of us, and we all deserve a share.

I can see it now. It’s a vision beyond splendour and magnificence. The wonders we can accomplish, if someone would just rally the world, and if the world would just follow. We can’t keep going down the path we’re on; none of us will survive. But if we can change, transcend the humans we are, and then maybe we just might be able to achieve things that even the most visionary among us can’t even begin to fathom.

Change the world.

We have to.

Will you?

Wednesday 23 April 2008

On Honour and Tolerance

There i was, waiting for my football match to start, when this one particular female sent me a message. Blah blah blah, how are you, yadda yadda yadda, i'm so happy with my boyfriend, blah blah blah.

You see, her boyfriend had recently come back from somewhere, and the reunion had been much anticipated, and they were apparently having a ball. Which is beyond fine, i hope to experience the same kind of reunion pretty soon.

But then, in the course of our conversation, she sent me a message that rather perturbed me. I almost quote (cause i delete every message i get so i'm reciting from memory): "He got into a fight with some guy for leering at me. And of course he won. i'm so proud of him. Sexy wild beast".

And this pissed me off (after i stopped puking). What fools they were! Fucking idiots! Some guy got beaten up because he looked at this girl. Her boyfriend attacked the poor sod simply because he checked the girl out, something every single one of us with dicks (and some of you without) is guilty of.

The perpertrator (or the victim?) had violated her honour, the girl said, in justification for her boyfriends actions, after i expressed my disgust. Her boyfriend commited a crime (assault isnt legal) simply because he, being the over protective ASSHOLE he was, felt that his girl's 'honour' had been outraged.

Fuckwit.

It made me angry beyond expression. How could this guy injure another guy simply because of a percieved wrong doing? How could this girl encourage it? Claim to love it? People like this, the narrow minded folk who think in the short term, who think 'me' only, they are the reason the world is in such a rut. All the wars, all the capitalism, all the poverty, its all because of people who act first and think later. The ones so eager to show off their 'love' or skill or expertise that they thoughtlessly run over 'expendable' bystanders.

She was so happy he beat up the unfortunate chap. Who takes such pleasure from some one else pain? Even i dont do that, and i have no morals. She felt that the boyfriend was showing his love for her. She'd want him to beat up more people! It excites them, it makes them feel special, it completes them.

And her excuse was her HONOUR! The boyfriend was defending her HONOUR! Are they fucked in the head? How does some guy looking at her damage her honour? Honour isnt about things like that, her version is a cruel corruption of the concept.

Honour is a code by which you hold yourself culpable for your actions, not one by which you punish other people! The boyfriend should've beaten himself up, if he really had any honour. And she would have let the leer (god, i'm talking about it like its a real crime) pass, if she had any real honour. Even if her 'honour' had been hurt, in the sense the fools think it, it still didnt give the boyfriend any right to react like that.

Fuckwit.

As you have probably realised, i'm as angry as i get. Its irresponsible, and immature, to do things like that, and just as bad if you encourage it. I really couldnt stand the self satisfied way she was talking about her boyfriends despicable actions, the way she hero worshipped the little prick for his little show of muscle. And i made her well aware of my distaste. I dont think we'll be talking anytime soon.

But in one of her last messages, she said something interesting. "You're my friend, you should accept me the way i am, you should be more tolerating."

Should i? Should i have just told her, 'thats great! he's such a loving guy' or some such comment, and gone on with life? Was i being intolerant? Unreasonable? A bad friend? God forbid, close minded?

It certainly sounded like that, from the things i was saying. I told her that they were immature fools. Real idiots. And that their mentality was disgusting. And that the way they thought was appaling. And that people like them were the reason world peace was only a dream.

Also that i didnt want to associate with people who thought like they did. That i'd hold her to this misdeed till she reviewed her ways.

Sounds so terrible, doesnt it.

But i didnt feel like i was doing anything wrong, and accordingly, i dont think i was. Where is that line drawn? Between standing up for your own morals, and being intolerant? Is there even a line? In the name of tolerance and acceptance, are you supposed to bend over your back to accomodate all sorts of imbeciles you find repulsive?

I certainly hope not. Because i just cannot concede to people who i feel are irresponsible or immature. If i think their ways are retarded, i'm going to say so, openly and frankly.
Am i intolerant?

If standing up for my ideas makes me so, then i guess i should be called intolerant, or close minded, or unaccepting.

I guess the difference would be, when you're expressing yourself you just give your own ideas, and keep it at that. Intolerance implies an attempt to change the other persons frame of mind. Perhaps thats intolerance.

But what does one do when the person in question is beyong logic and rationality? How do you teach someone the error of their ways, without being considered 'intolerant'? Its impossible.

Because some people just wont learn. Some people are just so wrong its impossible to tolerate their ideas. You HAVE to show them the real way, the proper way, and move them from their destructive tendencies. Some people really MUST be changed.

The question is, is it them?

Or is it me?

Monday 21 April 2008

On Words.

The exam is done.
It went alright, i didnt cry or pee in my pants or anything, but who knows what'll happen.
So med school isnt anything right now, cause med school is on holiday.
And my life is quite sad without school. I've got nothing to do.

Pathetic.

Anyway! This is just a quick post on an upcoming event! Malaysia has a catholic weekly, The Herald. Its obviously religious, and reports on current events affecting catholics here in malaysia and around the world, runs columns on various spiritual issues, publicises inter-faith dialouges, yadda yadda yadda. It has three or four sections, English, Malay, chinese and/or tamil, i cant recall.
So anywho. The paper has recently been granted its license to publish, but with a condition. The internal security minister, if i am no mistaken, decided that the usage of the word allah in various christian literature would be detrimental to the security of the country. So the herald has been prevented from using this word in any of its malay articles.

Score one for free speech.

Naturally this was met with protest from various groups, and the paper has decided to take the matter to the High Court. The first hearing is on the 26th of April, this saturday, and the Arch-Bishop Murphy Pakiam will be attending.

I reckon there is something seriously wrong in a system where people have to go to court just so that publications of a certain religion can use the word that means 'god' in a certain language.

So there's a bit of information for ya.
Stand up for freedom of speech.

And pray to all- i mean, god- that the court shows a bit of sense.

Sunday 13 April 2008

On Perspective

Med School currently sucks.
Exams are arseholes.
But i still love med school. =D


So anyway. Perspective. Its a beautiful thing. A persons entire livelyhood can be classified as good or bad simply on his or her perspective. What a person perceives, whether completely accurate or ridiculously false, is real and indisputable to that person. The world isnt built on atoms or quarks, elements or compounds, roads or buildings. No.
This world is built on perspective.

This world? Did i say this world? There is no such thing! Due to this amazing thing called perspective, no one really shares a common world. We all have our own unique little worlds, seperate from each other and yet irresistably entwined together. Your world begins when you're born, is shattered when your girlfriend sleeps with your best friend, and ends when you die (hopefully before that bastard of a best friend). Your marriage, your fathers death, your sisters graduation, your first job, all these events have a huge impact on your world. But no one seems to care, really. Despite all these potential life shattering events, the world spins on, people keep living. No one cares. No one even seems to know!
Why?
Because all these events are in YOUR world. Everyone else had their own world, free of your issues, but filled with their own happenings, none of which you really give a damn about.

A problem that might plague you, drive you up the wall, may seem like a real bed of roses with extra blessings on it to some people. This said, the greatest, most fulfilling triumph you have ever experiences may seem like the worst kind of curse when seen through someone elses perspectives.

Oh, the inequality!

Perspective really seems to seperate us. With different perspectives, no one is ever really going to agree with anyone! How are we gonna survive this? Disagreements, arguements, fights, fist-fights, battles, wars! We're all gonnna diiiiieeeeeee!

Ok, maybe i'm over reacting slightly. I'm looking at one extreme end of the spectrum. We've gotten on quite well, seeing as there are nine billion different perspectives in the world today. Ok, there have been a few wars, but hey, there are still alot of people alive. When you think about it, the world isnt going too badly.

But this realisation of the differences in perspectives isnt necessarily bad. While it can be a bit scary, it also opens up the door that comes with all episodes of realisation. The opportunity for understanding is now available.
If everyone realised that everyone else has a different perspective on life, and thinks in a very different way, people would get along so much better. For example, its hard to be angry with that best friend of yours when you understand that from his perspective, he was just an innocent guy who succumbed to the strong (very strong) pressure exerted by his balls. You might even realise that if you had been in his situation, you wouldnt have fared much better.
Not so much of a bastard anymore, is he?

But this understanding can be applied to problems alot larger in scale than your girlfriend cheating on you (yes, there are bigger problems. Like my exams). If George Bush realises what Osama thought, and Osama understood Bush's point of view, maybe alot of lives could have been saved. Maybe those planes would've still crashed into twin towers. But maybe Osama would've thought, 'hey, these people are not really out to get rid of my religion. They just want to live life their own way. Why shouldnt i let them?' And maybe Bush would've thought 'hey, these people are trying to get a point across. Maybe i should try to talk to them, instead of invading their country!'.

Think of the potential. Its not the same as everyone actually thinking in the same way. That would be monotonous and boring. But with understanding, everyone still retains their own personal views, while making allowances for the views of everyone else.

And with this understanding comes respect. With worldwide respect, well, alot more people would be happier. And everyone will be wiser.

This post comes with two morals, in the end. The first moral, of course, is we should all put in the extra effort to understand why someone does what he does, and to discern where a difference in perspective could cause a conflict, and how compromise to avoid said conflicts. We could all actually make the world a better place.

And the second moral of the story is, if i ever sleep with your girlfriend, dont blame me.
Blame perspective.

Tuesday 1 April 2008

On Nothing at All.

Med School rocks.



=D



I've got no real reason to post right now, i just feel like it. I feel really sad right now, for various reasons, and i've found out something very interesting about myself.

So maybe i do have a reason to blog! =D



Anyway, most doctors and senior med students probably wouldnt blink, but last week i met my first patient! Its a load of fun, we werent meeting in an official capacity, rather myself and a colleague just happened to be in the same room as she was, so we struck a conversation, and she was really nice. She was in for something simple, and further details i wont post up (apparently patient-doctor confidentiality is a BIG thing). So we talked, i attempted to use my *non existant* medical interview skills to ellicit medical info from her, and made a complete fool of myself, yadda yadda yadda.



Basically she was a great first patient to talk to, and i really hope i dont forget it. =D



So that leads me to the first contributor to my sadness. My colleague who was with me that day just told me that apparently, my first patient has quite a serious disorder (once again, i cant quite disclose any information, so bear with me). It might not sound like much, but really, its a slap in the face. To think, just a week ago, i talked to her, she was perfectly (well, almost perfectly) fine. Now, her life is literally in danger.


Its weird.

But hey, i guess i'd better get used to it! I'm gonna be killing patients left right and centre after i graduate. =D

So anyway, this made me discover something about myself. I was really sad when i heard, i dont know why, maybe its a culmination of various negative influences in my life right now, but i was really sad.

I was in a group of friends, six or seven, all of them pretty close, and for some reason, even though i felt really sad, i just couldnt let it out. Seriously, there was nothing showing, nothing at all. I even tried acting a little sad, but that didnt work. I was just my usual moronic self, even though i was pretty sad inside.

Funny. The guy who talks too much cant express himself. =D

So anyway, thats all i pretty much wanted to say. I also wanted to record a sliver of a memory of this patient, in a place where i couldnt forget it or lose it. Maybe twenty years from now, when i'm a stone hearted bastard, i'll look back at this, and feel sad again.

Maybe.

Saturday 29 March 2008

On Tagged

Well, apparently, i've been tagged.
And apparently i cant refuse to do it.
So apparently, i've got to answer a bunch of invasive questions.

Here are the rules:

A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse.
B. These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. Ashy tagged me. You cannot tag the person who tagged you. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people.






1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Well. As long as the person tells me about it, i wouldnt actually consider it a betrayal. But by 'betraying' me, she would have made the relationship non-exclusive, which is fine.

2. What will you do if you do not share the same feelings as the person who likes you?
Honesty is the best policy.

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
A small one, in a church maybe, with no hassle, followed by an immediate honeymoon.

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
Looking forward to it.

5. What’s your ideal lover like?
I've got no ideal.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone else?
Loving someone is my personal preferrence. Haha, I bet you wouldnt have guessed that!

7. If the person you like does not accept you, would you continue to wait for them to change their feelings?
Well, i'd hang around, not completely cut them off, but i'd see other people too.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Keep my mouth shut.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
Yeap. But what, who knows.

10. What do you want most in life?
Independance.

11. Is being tagged fun?
Haha, its keeping me from looking at stupid slides of the histology of the gastro-intestinal system, so hell yeah. =D


12. If you find out that your best friend is going out with your boyfriend/girlfriend, how would you react?
Nothing. If they want to, let them.

13. Who is currently the most important person to you?
Wayne Rooney.

14. What kind of person do you think I am?
Ashy: The kind of person i really should hang out with more.

15. What is the most unforgettable thing/event in your life?
I cant remember. =D

16. If the person you secretly like cannot recognise you, what would you do/how would you react?
Make her recognise me. =D

17. Would you give your all in a relationship?
Thats the point. And thats why i dont get involved.

18. If you fall in love with two persons simultaneously, who would you pick?
The third person i like. =D

19. What type of friends do you like?
Anyone and everyone. Just dont be dramatic.

20. If you played a prank on someone, and he/she fell for the trick, what would you do?
Post it on youtube! =D



And thats the end!
Anyway, seeing as i've got no friends, i'm not gonna tag anyone else. But if anyone wants to copy this, feel free.

And while i've done my best to be vague, i've still answered every question, so enjoy!

Sunday 23 March 2008

On Rights

Med School STILL rocks.

=D

Guess where i am, at 7 o'clock on a wednesday morning! I'm in histopathology lab! Thats right, a lab with a big medical word next to it! Its awesome, i tell you. Just awesome.
So anyway, today is my clinical visit, so i'm dressed very nicely in my black slacks, pink shirt, and pink tie. Talk about suicidal. I've got a feeling that i'm gonna be teased a bit today.
But i've got my labcoat too, and i tell you, nothing feels better than wearing a lab coat. Today, i can REALLY pretend to be a doctor.

=D

So anyway, have you opened up the news paper recently? Gone passed the comics and sports (yes, i know, its hard to think about anything right now other than Manchester United 3, Liverpool 0, but do try!) and taken a peek at the dramas showing on the world stage? Well, if you have, then you'll know that the paper reads like a tragedy, worthy of shakespeare himself!

Seriously, look at it. The entire world is coming apart at the seams. Terrorism, religious injustices, US elections, all sorts of terrible, dangerous things are going on. Country shapes up against country, government against government, radical islamists against... well, against just about everyone.

One particular article especially gauled me. Some indonesia ulama (or was it a dude invovled in the Bali bombing? cant quite recall) called the bali bombers heroes. And encouraged more young muslims to aspire to matyrdom. Aspire to killing yourself. Bastard.

All in all, malaysian newspapers these days arent fun reading (unless you enjoy blatantly biased political news). Something is wrong somewhere, because people just arent getting along, and nothing is getting better.

So i started pondering over it. I figured since one day i'm gonna rule the world, it was a good idea to figure out all its problems. SO i pondered.

I realised one interesting thing most people overlook. Take an example, 'crimes' agaisnt islam, for instance. Those dutch cartoons (thank you for standing up for free speech, and publishing them again!). It was met with INTENSE protestation, people took to the streets with weapons and words, death threats ran rampant. There was no small amount of outrage from certain areas, and demands for apologies and punishments. Mostly punishments.

But why all the ruckus? I'll tell you why. Its because people love their religion. Its only normal. But some love it so much, they have the notion that no one can offend it, that its their RIGHT to see their religion protected from what they see as attacks.

Now this took back to my childhood days (oh, so long ago!). When i was in kelantan, i didnt have much of a social life (its kelantan, people. If you havent lived there, you dont know), so i turned to the only other place i had: Cyberspace. I had quite the rollicking internet life, amidst all the porn and games (no blogs back then, sadly). So naturally i spent a perfectly reasonable amount of time online (about 25 hours a day).

My father, however, decided to come between me and my newfound life. I used to have to beg him to let me stay on for extended periods of time (when i say extended, i mean EXTENDED!!!!!), and he only gave me about two hours, tops.

I was outraged. Who was he to come between me and my close friends whom i actually knew absolutely nothing about? It was sacrilege! I expressed my righteous anger at his interfering ways, and ended up with no internet time at all.
Good times!
=D

But anyway, before he sent me to my room to rot, he used to tell me 'Isuru, dont think it's your right to use the internet. You dont have any rights in this world, only privileges other people give you. And with these privileges come responsibility.'

Back then, naturally,i thought, 'what the hell are you talking about, man! I WANNA USE THE INTERNET!!!!'. And i didnt really pay attention to what he said.

But now in hindsight, thinking about the world problems, i realised that what he said applied not only to me, but to nearly every conflict everywhere. I didnt have the right to use the internet, so accordingly, i had no right to be angry about my limited use. But in his kindness, my pops gave me the privilege of internet use, something i ought to have been grateful for. But with that privilege came reponsibilities, not to abuse the net or get addicted to it.

Apply that to the sadly common world situation i used as an example. The outraged people really have to right to be angry, because its not their right that everything published or done in the world should conform to their expectations and beliefs. But the publishers of the cartoons should know better, and give those people a privilege, by not publishing the cartoons. Its an act of kindness, and respect. But with that privilege, the people also have a responsibility NOT to act in extreme ways, and in turn respect the freedom of other people.

If things worked that way, the world would be a very very different place.

There's one more good reason to remember that everything you have in the world isnt your right, but infact you privilege. When you have the 'right' to something, and its taken away, you often act in anger, anger which is made all the more dangerous by the fact that you believe it to be righteous. But if you remember that everything is infact a privilege, you'd appreciate what you have more, and keep in line with the responsibilites fallen to you so as to keep whatever privileges you have.

I really hope you understood what i said, because i've got a feeling that if we want to change things so that the situations around the world all start improving, we're all gonna have to adopt this kind of attitude. Its highly unlikely, but hey, i can dream.
=D

In conclusion, i'd like to point out one very very important fact. My dad's a man of great wisdom. This post belongs to him.



Dont tell him i said that. =D

Wednesday 5 March 2008

On Morality

Med school rocks.

=D

So anyway, the other day, i was playing table tennis with a bunch of friends, chatting about various random things. The topic of homosexuality came up, and after i finished making my usual joke (an obvious 'subtle' moment towards the closest male), i stated that while i am straight (very, very straight), i had no feelings of animosity for anyone who tilted in the opposite direction.

Surprisingly, my neutral stand was not shared by quite a few of my friends. A couple of them were very anti homosexuality, in fact, so much so as to make declarations such as, i quote "if my son turns out to be gay, i'd just shoot him. If he's a boy, he has to be a boy".

Extreme, i thought. But the people who had this view werent stupid or close minded or anything. They were all intelligent, liberal, thinking folk (you have to be to get into this university), people who wouldnt make sweeping statements in ignorance or mis-guided belief. Their actual opinion was that homosexuality was morally wrong.

Fair enough, everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But this set of a chain reaction of thoughts in my head, and they all revolved around this question: "What is moral?"

Everyone has a different answer for this question. What you think is perfectly correct from a moral sense, i might find completely and absolutely abhorrent. So who is correct?

This brings up the next question. Is there any such thing as universal morality? A set, solid bunch of rules, saying exactly what sort of activity is immoral for everyone?

Some people would say there is, and for arguements sake, i'll continue now as if there is a universal code of morality. What would be in this code?

Do not kill? Is it ALWAYS wrong to take a life? Most of the time, perhaps. But i'm sure there are occasions when killing is alright. Self defence, for instance. Or if the person is a danger to people around him or her. Killing is also used as a punishment for crimes. It seems like killing isnt ALWAYS wrong. In fact, in some circumstances, it seems morally wrong NOT to kill a person (dangerous folk, for instance). So that rule isnt universal.

Do not steal? This one was an interesting one to think about. What is the definiton of stealing? Taking something that belongs to someone else? What if YOU deserved the thing that person had? Or what if the act of not stealing will have serious adverse consequences? Is it alright to steal then? I think it is. So the moral rule on stealing isnt very universal either.

What about lying? Most people would agree that it is morally wrong to lie. But how many people actually completely refrain from lying? The first person who claims to have never lied is lying then and there. Lying has plenty of good uses, it can prevent akward situations or hurt feelings. SO lying isnt necessarily bad, meaning this rule cannot be considered universal either.


I can go on forever and ever. Any and every moral law, rule, or sensibility can be poked through. There will always be situations where things that are normally considered morally wrong are in fact acceptable, sometimes even required.

What about homosexuality? Is that morally wrong? Its been found in many animal species, and has been around as long as heterosexuality has been. How can something so natural be morally wrong?

It so happened the chaps who were anti homosexuality were muslim. That was another thing to look at. Religion has a serious effect on your individual moral standing. In fact, most of the time, your opinions are shaped by whatever religion (or the absence of one) you were brought up in. People claim secular laws and human rights are universal, but even secular laws are based on what religion says. No matter how much we try, it is impossible to seperate religion from law of the state, and consequently the law of the individual, which is that person's morality.

And if people base their morality on religion, because of the huge number and diversity in the religions of the world today, an equally large difference in the moral opinions of the people will be present.


So i think i can pretty much rule out the existance of a universal moral code.

The other alternative is that there is no universal moral code. As long as you feel, honestly deep down in your heart, that what you're doing is correct, you are on the morally right path.

But this opens up an immense pandora's box of conflict and anarchy. This means that no one has the right to tell another person 'hey, stop. What you're doing is wrong', because it isnt wrong. But this would mean no order, no control, people doing exactly what they like when they like, and society as we know it would pretty much implode.

So the existance of a universal moral code is doubtful, but the non existance of it is a potential disaster. A fine mess we find ourselves in!

I christen this the Morality Crisis.

Now what?

This is where religion comes in as so useful. It proclaims a universal code of morality, thus giving people a strict guideline to conform to. It keeps everyone under control, which is a good thing from the society's point of view. Whether religion is correct or not is besides the point; all that matters is that people believe it (a bit blindly) and follow it.

In this way religion is a pretty imperfect solution to the morality crisis. It works by supressing free thought and individualism, and encouraging blind faith in things that can never be proven. It does work, true, but its more a case of the lesser of the two evils.

It does give hope for the future though. Maybe one day people wont need religion to tell them what to do. I can almost imagine a society where everyone thinks before acting, where all the individual members work towards the collective betterment of the society, for the benefit of everyone involved. A society where people, when faced with decisions, act in certain ways not because God told them too, not because it the social norm, but because they know, they can see, what will be good in the long run for mankind.

I can dream.

Saturday 23 February 2008

On Spirituality

Its been a long time since my last post. Sorry about that. I could give loads of excuses on how i've had no time and i've been really busy and what not, but i've just been a bit lazy, and there's no denying that! Well, i'm back again, and alot has happened.

Alot.

The biggest, ofcourse, would be the fact that i'm now in university. Thats right, ladies and gents, i'm now a MEDICAL STUDENT.

Ha.

No, really.

Its completely awesome. Med school is very very different from secondary school, or college even. Somehow the atmosphere in general is more matured (yeah, i know, i dont quite fit in.), and the people there just seem on a whole new level. I guess its becacuse we (i mean, they) are adults.
Another difference is the level of competition. Back in school, your relative ranking was rather important, but here, a pass is a pass, and a fail is a (gulp) fail. Which is great, because the people here? They're all BRILLIANT. Seriously. There's not a single slow person in the batch. These guys really are the cream of the crop, getting into monash is supposed to be really difficult.

So anyway, i just got back from a transition camp held solely for the med students, all the way in PD. It was loads of fun, we all got to know each other pretty well, and we had all sorts of opportunities to embarrass ourselves infront of each other. We even had a little serious work, a few talks and such about the various issues that would affect the future doctors of the world *puffs out chest*, everything from the layout of classes to the Health Enhancement Programme (HEP) designed to help us stay alive.

At this point you're probably wondering why i'm rambling on about my utterly boring life, when spirituality is in the title. And you're probably wondering why you're even reading this blog. And i'll tell you why. Its because you've got absolutely no life, so stop thinking and keep reading.

Anyway, back to my story. In one of the tutorial discussions on the HEP we had, the facilitator introduced us to the ESSENCE concept. It's supposedly a frame work for self examination or something, and each letter stands for something like Stress Management or Excercise or Nutrition or something. And one of the Ss in that word stands for spirituality.

So there we were, talking about spirituality. And out of the blue, the facilitator dude asks "So... What IS spirituality?"
Silence. I swear, we could hear the crickets chriping. What the hell was spirituality? And why is it important? So i thought about it. And after a few seconds, i came up with this definition: "Human beings, despite having everything they really need, still feel a sense of lacking; a void in them that nothing seems to fill. Spirituality fills this hole."

That seemed like a pretty good definition, to me atleast. Except for the fact that it doesnt REALLY define spirituality, rather it explains what it is. So for me now, a persons 'spiritual needs' simply refer to that feeling of lacking that many people experience.

You see, in my case, i really crave something. For the longest time i thought it was something sexual, like i needed some sort of companionship or maybe even plain old physical gratification, but when chances to satify this came along, i tended to turn them down. This forced me to rethink my original conclusion, because i realised that i didnt really want sex or anything sexual. It wasn't an intellectual need either, because i was getting enough mental stimulation, but it did nothing to reduce my cravings.

So maybe thats where spirituality comes into play. You need something more in your life, something spiritual, something beyond the material and substantial. And much like the way you feel heart attack pain in your left arm instead of your chest, people tend to displace this need, mistake it for something else, predominantly sexual.
It explains why many people tend to misbehave sexually, too. Instead of them being bad or reckless or whatnot, perhaps these people just feel an intense need for something, something they cant identify, and they make the wrong assumption about it. They try really hard to satisfy the craving, but somehow never can, because its not really a sexual need, but a spiritual one.

Now before i continue, i must say i'm making a major assumption. I'm projecting my own feelings onto the general population, so its actually quite likely that the entire argument is wrong. This only holds true if the feeling of emptyness i sometimes experience is also experienced by a large portion of the other humans out there.

Anyway, to continue. It just so happens i was in church today, and a phrase in one hymn struck me: "Come, let him fill the emptyness in your life", or something like that. Thats why religion is such a big seller! Some people do realise that this emptyness is more of a spiritual thing, and they try religion (instead of sex like some others). And since many people join religion (when i say religion i mean everything that offers to fill the void in peoples souls; Christianity, islam, buddhism, whatever), i assume it works! They must find it healing, or fulfilling, more so than any of the other alternatives people could take.

While you can debate my definition of spiritual needs, there's no denying that fulfilling them is an extremely important factor in one's entire well being. And since religion is often the answer to one's spiritual well being, you can almost say that human beings NEED a god. They need some sort of higher metaphysical being controlling and influencing their lives, giving their lives meaning.

Now why in the world would human's evolve a need for god? We need many things, like food (for obvious reasons) or sex (to further the species), but why a god? It makes no sense, because it is an essentially useless trait for the species. Infact, i think it actually hinders us somewhat! So many people die over disagreements about these gods, gods we apparently all need. From a scientific sense, spiritual needs, or the need for a god, is completely illogical. It shouldnt exist.

Unless.

Unless. Someone, someone who didnt quite want to be forgotten, put it there.

Friday 11 January 2008

On frustration.

It's past one in the morning, and here i am, blogging like an idiot.
I cant sleep.

But i've got jack shit to do online too.

Basically. I've got nothing to do at all.

I'm so frustrated.

I've got stuff to do, i could read, stone infront of the tv, sleep.... But something is missing! Nothing feels right.

My wrist burns. Stupid injury. Got it last year (no, wait, now thats the year before last), playing futsal for college, goalkeeping. The initial hit wasnt too bad, some chump blasted it at point blank, and i -accidently- got my palm in the way, spraining my wrist pretty badly. Then it just so happened that a girl i was dying to impress was in the crowd, so i told the St John's fellows to just spray the wrist down. And i continued playing with my numb sprained wrist taking numerous blows.

After THAT, i felt pain. Couldnt use it for three months.

And now its back, gnawing at my hand when i move it akwardly. It makes guitar playing nearly impossible, and typing alot harder than it should have been.

All in all, its not helping my current situation.



BAck to that!

I'm terribly frustrated. Just sitting at home, watching my precious time slip away... As Kipling said:
"If you can fill the unforgiving minute,
With sixty seconds worth of distance run,
Yours is the world, and everything in it;
Whats more, you'll be a man, my son."

Sadly, i havent been filling my unforgiving minutes. I've not been intellectually challenged (by anything interesting) for a while now, so my brain is rotting away. There was this little puzzle in this Artemis Fowl book, but it got boring fast. I'm not too good on word plays, i prefer actual information.

Creatively, well, nothing's been going right. Its like i've hit a rock, all my powers of unique invention have been stolen, my creative juices drained away. I've not had any good story inspirations for a while (like i finish any of my stories anyway), my music and lyrics composing has pretty much died (i still only have those five half songs i wrote), and though my ideas are flowing like never before, i just have no way to crystalise them.
Or maybe i'm not quite talented enough.

I dont know which is worse, being intellectually frustrated, or creatively disabled.

I know. Being sexually deprived.

Need i say more? I'm not getting within three feet of a girl, let alone laid. But then, i've never been so close to a girl, and when i think about it carefully, i'd actually prefer an interesting scientific dilemma or an interesting story over a girl.

Good grief, look at whats happenning to me!


I'm out of solutions. I cant find anything intelligent to occupy myself, and its impossible to force the creative process. I'm just gonna have to wait this slump out.

For now, i'll just drown myself in rock music.
Ahhhhh. Nirvana, both kinds.

Tuesday 8 January 2008

On Beautiful Thoughts

What a random day today was.

First we went and watched Enchanted. No, thats does not make me gay. And yes, i did like it. SUE me. I thought it was pretty hilarious, come on, when was the last time you saw singing and choreographed dancing in an english movie not classified as a musical? Reminded me of a hindi film. And the acting was excellent (James Marsden is so very underrated), the plot solid, the jokes hilarious, and the dresses really really low. What more could you want?

Then i bought four books. I dont know if its a good thing or bad, i just cant help myself anymore. I'm cleaning out all my savings, i have to cut down on reading.

I'm gonna be broke soon.

Then as i waited at the commuter station for my folks, i started doing that one thing we all shouldnt be doing. No, not evangelizing. Thinking. And i had three thoughts.

1. Death is always a sad thing, aint it? Having close relative pass away can be pretty devastating, especially when you're sitting for important exams (the A levels are going on). I wouldnt know, i've never lost a close relative (touch wood!). And in this time of grief, people can react in two ways: a) They fill the hole with a sudden intimate relationship (a bit of a rebound), or b) They put up a wall around themselves, shutting everyone out.

Sadly, the friend i have in mind is the second type. And i pretty much get it, the person needs space. But how much space? Not a single message in three days is a bit much, isnt it? This from a friend who usually messages atleast once a day. Even with funerals and mourning and stuff, i'm sure there's time to type an sms, ten seconds is all, and send it.
The possible explaination is that in a time of emotional loss and vulnerability, you (I) am the last thing on that persons mind.
Which kinda sucks, makes me somewhat expendable.

On the other hand, am i being too needy? Well, i dont think so. Maybe i just do have a hero complex.


2. I was thinking about parents. They are the root of all problems everyone faces.

Very drastic accusations, eh. But its true. Whether its because they're there too much, or because they're not their at all, somehow, they're responsible if the child is screwed up. Some parents abandon their children, some hover over the poor kids incessantly, the latter results in wild immoral people and the former in wilder rebellious people.

You'll never have a kid, with absolutely NO complaints about their parents. Somewhere or another, there will be a problem. Parents make their kids feel insufficient, abandoned, stifled, guilty, angry, depressed, abused, abusive, rebellious, and a billion other things i cant remember at this moment in time. And each of these negative feelings will blossom into some sort of problem for the child in question, manisfesting themselves either in childhood or after the individual has grown to adulthood.

So, people, you have any problems? Depression, addiction, anger, stress? Think hard, in the end, your parents are at fault. Go tell them. Tell them how their short comings have almost certainly destroyed your happiness, how you dont want them anymore.

And cringe as they laugh at you and tell you to shut up, get back to your studies and stop wasting time reading silly blogs.


3. Now this part is a tragedy. Here i had this beautiful thought. It was witty, well composed, interesting, and very profound. IN fact it was so profound it inspired me to write this blog. But here's the tragedy: I cant remember what it was. For the life of me, i cannot recall it. It has been locked up deep in the crevices of my crowded brain, fleeting like a dream, leaving behind frail wisps of its glory and brilliance for me to cling on too, in vain as even those slip through my mind as drops of water would through my tightened fists. Yet even as i grasp for it harder, it falls away, deeper and deeper into shadow.

And that is my tribute to that thought. Maybe one day it will strike me again, but till then, you'll have to take my word on how brilliant it was.

*******************************************
I'm afraid i have to end this blog on a sad note. A shortwhile ago, one of my sister's ex classmates, a dental student, was killed, supposedly in a car accident. The unexpectedness caught me off guard, and i didnt even know him very well, just by sight.
It's not fair to have life cut out just like that, without warning, and with so much potential left. But then when is anything ever fair?
Think about him and the countless others who lose everything, in a heartbeat.

Saturday 5 January 2008

On Death and Knowledge

At long last, i am back to my home town. The internet.

Firstly, sorry for the long delay, moving is terribly hectic. And secondly, merry christmas and happy new year to all my readers! Yeah, to all two of you!


Anyways, in this time i've been offline, i've done all sorts of soul searching, and i've got tonnes to write but no clue where to start. I wanted to say something about this epiphany i got while peeing in the Cheras Tesco, but i've to organise it first into something readable.

Anyhooo, i did a bit of exploring in the dark expanse i call my mind, and found a couple of interesting things.

Did anyone happen to read my earlier blog on the Aquarian?
I know none of you did, dont try and bull. Anyway, one of the characteristics of the Aquarian that fits me like a glove is the curiousity. I quote: "Aquarians are always analyzing situations, friends and strangers. It can be disturbing when they start asking pointblank questions, with a bare minimum of tact, as they probe into the heart of your private feelings."

Thats me in two sentences, as any of my friends could attest. So i asked myself the most basic philosophical (and yet most impossible to answer) question:

Why?

The first why was pretty simple. WHat motivates me to ask questions non stop about everything? Knowledge. I like to know stuff, whats going on, who's with whom, what who thinks, when what's happening, so on and so forth. Its a trait of mine, i strongly believe in the phrase knowledge is power.

Why?

Now things got a bit more complicated. Why do i want to know everything? The most obvious reason would be power. When you know everything thats going on, every thought and motive and potential reaction, manipulating situations to your own ends becomes very easy. Of course there's the less subtle blackmailing and bribing. But no, that wasnt the real reason, because i usually keep my information to myself, and have no real reason to manipulate (plus i'm way to lazy to actually do any of that stuff). And yet this knowledge is very important to me.

*************************

At this point i must interject the flow of the blog with a point that popped up in my mind. I've always found death tragic, but why i never knew. I dont miss people ever, and i know one person dying doesnt really affect the world in any way. So while i was pondering over my own thirst for knowledge the answer hit me.

Each and every person, no matter how similar they might seem to others, is unique in one way, their minds. The information present in someone's head, the conclusions drawn from it, the extrpolations made, and connections found between different bits and pieces, all in all the huge web of knowledge formed, is always different. Two people may know the same thing, but they may understand it differently, and connect it to dissimilar things. Also everyone experiences occasions and happenings in their own, completely unique way.

Point is, when some one dies, his mind is lost. No one will ever have an exactly identical line of thought, and all his experiences and thoughts will disappear, never to be known again. That is why dying is such a sad thing. Imagine how much a seventy year old man knows! All of it just disappearing forever seems such a terrible waste it almost makes me cry to think about it.

I'm sure if you've had a close relative pass away (lets call him Bob), you know what i'm talking about. When do you really miss a person? When a situation comes up, and you think, hey, remember Bob? He would have said .... Now what is that but remembering the unique way in which Bob's mind would react to a situation?

One of the most akward times in our lives is when a close friend or relative's death is inevitably close by. What could you possible say to that person? 'Everything will be alright', or 'We'll never forget you' and other such cliched phrases seem somewhat empty in the face of real death. Personally, i think the best solution would be not to talk. Let the person on his deathbed talk. Learn about his life, his dreams, his opinions, his experiences, his hopes, his whole life. That way the person, even after death, will be alive in your mind, his life not lost to obscurity.

And maybe thats what this blog is. A last ditch grab at immortality, a desperate attempt to keeep my thoughts alive.