Wednesday 12 December 2007

On Life Goals

Here are the things i want to learn in the next few years of my life:

1. Archery
2. Swordsmanship
3. Three different martial arts.
4. Hacking
5. Car hotwiring
6. Music mixing
7. Guitar soloing
8. Drumming
9. How to use a mac.


Thats it for now, i'll add a few more later.

Tuesday 4 December 2007

On Madness

Sorry for the long lay off, i've been really busy and way too lazy to blog.
Anyway, since that dreams post, my dreams have become complex and vague, and i can never remember what exactly happened in them. All i remember is that i had a dream, and occasionally as i'm going to my daily routine i'll recall a person or a detail randomly, sometimes i just get a sense of deja vu.
So basically, the dream thing has been scrapped.

Dont cry, i know you were dying to hear about my dreams, but you'll survive.


Work has been hell. And no matter how much i sleep i'm tired. I've been having mood swings, which is odd for me because i'm typically detached.

Oh, and i'm insane. Really.

I have a handful of mental disorders. I started thinking about insanity when one day, while i was doing my rather tedious work, the phrase "Great! Thats awesome!" just popped into my head. I wasnt thinking of anything, my mind was completely blank, and those words just came. I dont know whats great and why it is so, those words just appeared.

That is obviously something akin to schizophrenia. I'm hearing voices, for crying out loud! Mental disorder number 1. But the voices also tell me that i have other problems.

Mental disorder 2: I've always been a tad obsessive compulsive. I know, i know, most of the people who know me will laugh at this one. Usually i'm the lazy laid back slob. But did you know, when i was a kid, i used to spend ages arranging my colour pencils so that the tips were exactly on the same level? Or that when i take ice from the ice maker in those styrofoam boxes, the ice must be perfectly even on the surface?


Then of course, there's number three. I'm paranoid. Completely. I dont trust anyone, because i know, deep down inside, you are ALL out to get me. Every one is plotting some thing behind my back. IN fact, everything is this world is probably one big trick, one conspiracy, against me.
Might sound ridiculous, but everytime some one talks in another language, i know they're talking about me. Or when someone refuses to share a secret, it has to be something involving me.
Paranoia.

Number four would be anxiety. I tend to worry alot. And i mean alot. Give me any situation where someone is missing, and my mind will come up with the most fantastical situation, and it usually involves death and injury. And then i start worrying about the person, till he or she shows up. Same thing applies to a situation. Even though i dont show it, worry is like a constant cloud hovering over my shoulder.

Depression and mood swings can both come under number five. Even though it may be a 'normal' part of growing up and all that shit, it still counts as a mental problem. I've been depressed for a long time now. Why? Who knows. I cant figure out the reason.
And even worse, i've been going from happy to sad to angry to anxious and so on and so forth over and over and over again! This isnt very odd, really, i used to experience it every now and then before, but unlike then, i'm actually showing these haywire emotions. I really must stop.



So anyway, thats just the tip of the ice berg. There really is plenty else wrong with me mentally.
So am i insane? Is there any difference between myself and the fellows locked inside padded rooms with strait jackets on?

Am i IN a padded room with a strait jacket on?
All it takes is a little bit of boredom, and self examination. When you start analysing yourself carefully, you may find things you wish you hadnt, and you might open doors better left locked and chained.


Everyone walks that fine line between sanity and insanity. All it takes is the slightest push. The smallest, most meaningless happening can transform us from sensible, intelligent human beings, to raving, mindless animals.

Even more scary is, if we ever are pushed over the line, will we realise it? Is there any coming back? Does a mad man know that he's mad?


The human psych is a deep, dark, terrible, fascinating thing. But dont explore too deeply. You'll lose your sanity.

Tuesday 20 November 2007

On Dreams.

Lately i've been having kick ass dreams, incredibily vivid and fast paced and randomly silly. So i figured maybe i'll keep a record of what i dreamt about. It wont be very detailed because i dont remember everything, but the bits and pieces i do, and the persons in the dream, i'll put it all down here.



The dream i can remember the most involved swords, trains, indian dudes, and my old school. Here's the layout of the area. You have a road, just like a lane, and it leads into a railway station through a gate in a high fence surrounding the station. The left of the road appeared to consist of a junk yard (not the smelly type, the type with tyres and scrap metal and shit. I cant remember what the other side was like.



So anyway, the road appears to stop as it meets the train track, whihc run perpendicular to the road, or parellel to the fence. It just stops there, i dont know how it leads the the platform. Now the platform in basically my old school. I'm too lazy to describe it, its to complex. Maybe you'll get a picture of it as the dream progresses.



The dream start off with me on the road, with an old indian friend of mine, V. There's a ramp shape made of all the scrap near the fence, and he's suggesting we use that to fly over the fence and rail way track, and unto the platform. I say no, because while he has one of those three wheeled buggies, and i'm on foot. He keeps insisting that i can make it, i just need to run fast, and i tell him he's insane. So anyway, he jumps (and it is a very spectacular one), and i use the gate.





The next part, i'm on the platform already. TK is there too, waiting for his train, which is supposedly one hour before the train i'm going to catch. We're waiting for the train, and then i decide to go inside the school/platform building. Before i went i told TK to tell me before he leaves (god knows where V went to). So i walk up the platform stairs, which are the stairs leading up the left side of my school. It leads straight into this room, a classroom, that normally would have chairs and tables and stuff, but instead, it had a bunch of guys sitting around a fire (fire on a wooden floor. Dont ask me how.)

Its not a very large fire, and they're sitting there talking quietly. Somehow i knew they were blacksmiths. And then one dude gets up, he looks alot like the head master of the school, and he leads me out from the room into the small school hall, and sitting there nicely looking completely natural, is this huge forge.

Then the dude tells me to make a sword. And i do. Cant remember how, all i remember is that it was really cool. So anyway, when i'm done i'm holding this blue sword. The blade itself wasnt blue, it just gave off this blue aura. It was shorter than a typical broadsword, heavier, and the blade was thicker and blunt.

So i decide to sharpen it. The head master dude takes me back to the room where the fire was, and instead of the fire there is now a whetstone, and the other men are gone. Then i start sharpening the sword, but no matter how i try, the sword doesnt get sharp. And then, leaning against the wall, i spot another broadsword. This one is longer and sleeker than the one i have, and has a red aura, with a very distinct red ruby in it. So i take that one, and keep both the swords.

Then i hear a train horn, and quickly run back onto the platform, just in time to see the train pull away, and TK gone. I dont know why (because TK and i arent exactly lovers or anything), but i decide to go after the train, and so i dash back into the school/platform, and head to the back. I go down the back stairs and reach the newer kindergarten room, where i'm ambushed by a bunch of midgets (maybe that recent episode of House M.D. caused it), whom i proceed to fight off with my two swords. Thats easily the best bit of the dream.


And from then on everything becomes a real blur. I vaguely recall defeating the midgets (i dont think i killed them though, cause there wasnt blood or anything), and running into the back field of the school, and finding the train there (bloody slow train, eh?). I'm pretty sure i jumped on the train, flashing my swords, and V made a second entrance somewhere along the line too, but thats about it.

Next thing i know, i'm starting a new day. But i woke up with this conviction that if i had lived back in the day, i'd have been a blacksmith. Funny conviction, but maybe i'll try making an old fashioned sword one day.



Vivid, complex. bizzare dreams. Stay tuned for tomorrow's one!



Screw Out.

Monday 19 November 2007

On Trust

Are you sure you should believe in everything you know?


My last post revolved around a group in facebook, full of religious debate. Alot of these debates involved 'facts' and 'figures', both for those questioning islam and those defending it. The problem arose when the two sides gave contradicting 'facts'. Who's facts are correct, and who's making them up?


Naturally, we cant trust the non-muslims, because most of them, if not all, would be rather unfamiliar with the religion.

But naturally, we cant trust the muslims either, because they're all bound to be biased towards their religion!

That would mean, we cant trust either!



And that brings up the following matter. These facts were posted up and generally accepted (who has enough time to do their own research on everything read online?), until the opposing side posted a contradicting 'fact'. Then both facts should logically be held void until one of them can be proven or disproven (which rarely happens). So how many other 'facts' online arent really facts, but just pieces of mis information no one contradicts? We read them, and since no one says otherwise, we believe them!


But we cant, really. Every 'fact' read on the internet could be false.

So dont believe the internet.


There are other cases of two things generally accepted as 'fact' contradicting each other.

For example, take global warming. You can find plenty of information, supported by graphs and measurements and extrapolations, saying that global warming is happening, and we're the cause of it. But then, in equal amounts, you can find other information, supported just as well by graphs and measurements and more extrapolation, stating that global warming is just a farce, the Earths tempertature fluctuates normally.

Who the hell is correct? Is global warming happening or not?

I dont know.



On a more local scale (so you non-malaysians reading probably wont know whats going on unless you google it), there was that recent Bersih rally. Mainstream media (like the New Strait Times) portrayed the rally as a flop, an annoyance to the residents of the area, and nothing more than a ploy by opposition leader to make trouble. This is naturally the governments view.

But more private sources of media, including those from people who actually attended the affair (like the blog of a collumnist i love following, http://www.rockybru.blogspot.com/ ), paint a different story.

Who to believe?



And what if its not just current media? Maybe even history isnt as 'factual' as we take it to be. Here in our malaysian studies, concerning World War II, the Japanese are portrayed as cruel and violent.

But what are they learning in Japan? Something completely different, i'm sure.


So maybe our entire past, which we take so completely for granted, is falsified and modified. How would we know? If we've been taught something from birth, we wouldnt question it. How do you know anything in our history actually happened? Anything at all? You dont. You didnt see anything. What you're doing here is trusting what other people say or write or claim to discover. But you havent seen any of this for yourself.

Might sound like a far fetched conspiracy theory. But think about it. Its truely possible.


So whom can you trust? The governments? Ha. No one trusts the governments. Scientists? For all we know, none of their 'research' and 'results' maybe true, Science has a way of proving itself wrong again and again. Our books? In trusting our books, we're trusting those who wrote them, and how can we do that? We dont even know them. Our friends and families and teachers? They would be just as mislead as we are.



Yes, i know i'm a freak, and i think too much. I have a tendency to examine every bit of information i find, and usually my first instinct is to disbelieve what i'm told. I'm the true skeptic.


But that doesnt mean i dont trust anyone. I just dont believe them. There's a difference there.


Even if you hide yourself from the world, you have no friends, you dont confide anything in anyone, you still trust. Alot. You trust that the fellow who built your house did it in such a way that it wont collapse on your head. You trust the guy who just drove by you not to swerve into your lane and kill you. You trust the nasi lemak lady not to sneak cyanide into your sambal.


So basically, just going about life, even in a minimal style, requires huge amounts of usually unintentional trust. Its necessary. You have to accept that in reality, your life is in the hands of thousands of strangers everyday. And you have to trust them not the screw you in the arse.


But the converse also applies. Remember, that every day, the lives of thousands of people are placed in your trust. So make sure you dont build a house shoddily, or you dont drive like a maniac, or you dont slip cyanide into someone's rice (though it does work better than arsenic).


I just wish everyone realised how much trust goes around in this world. It would make this place so much safer. Whats the solution? More people should be told about this concept. In other words, more people must read my blog. So advertise!


Also notice that the trusting bit at the end, really has very little to do with the believing bit at the start.

Its like a simpsons episode.




Screw Out.

On debates.

I recently joined this facebook group, "F*ck Islam" (Now before i get hate comments, let me tell you that i also joined the group "F*ck Christianity", but that one is less a debate about that specific religion, and more about atheism). So anyway, despite the name, and some idiots who cant differentiate between simple letters and capital letters, the F*ck Islam group was terribly interesting. There were smart people questioning islam, and smart people answering, and all in all, some of the debates there were fascinating to read.



Most of the non-muslims saw the religion as backward and violent (and there were some good arguements for that.) What irritated me was the defense put up by most of the muslims (not all, mind you. Some were very sharp, and made points equally acceptable as those of the antagonists).



For one thing, they kept refering and quoting the quran. You cant draw on a book in the debate when the validity of the book is the very thing being disputed! The problem here arose from the two very different, unwavering stances taken up by the two parties. The attacking party saw the quran as just a book (reasonable view, in my opinion), while most of the muslims insisted that it was completely perfect and cannot (or should not?) be contradicted( a view which i disagree with).



Another thing i found frustrating was the shifting of blame done by most of the people defending their religion. When confronted with a story of some wrong doing supposedly 'encouraged' by islam (whether it was encouraged by islam or not remains to be seen), rather than defending the religion, replies like "Christians do it too!" kept being made (i challenged one girl to find a case in recent times where the vatican sentenced someone to die for apostasy, and i somehow doubt she'll manage). Whether this is true or not is besides the point. As they say, two wrongs dont make a right.

In this case they seem to make lots of bombs.



There is one more thing i HATE, and this isnt aimed at muslims, its aimed at everyone. People who are SURE they are correct. You cant be a hundred percent sure. That is called blind faith. And blind faith is nothing short of stupidity. You can be pretty sure, whether you're muslim or christian or hindu or pagan or atheist, but when you become completely sure, trouble starts. A tiny bit of doubt would you stop you from throwing your life away, or killing other people, or doing some other reckless thing. That voice in the back of your head saying, 'maybe you're wrong! If you do something stupid now and you're wrong, thats the end of you!' But if you're completely certain, you wouldnt hesistate in taking any sort of extreme action. After all, what could happen? You're completely sure you're correct!



That sort of attitude is arrogant beyond anything else you'll find on earth.



So basically, its good to doubt. And it's even better to question. Dont just follow your religion! Question it, examine it, go through every aspect. I'm sure god would rather you followed him freely, knowing what you were doing, rather than just blindly stumbling after him.





Back to the group in facebook, i realised one more thing as i shifted through the barrage of controversial topics. The whole debate, the whole argument, was completely useless. What did it change? No one was going to change their opinions. No one wants to lose the arguments. The muslims there were certain that they're the greatest people on earth, and for the world to progress all must be like them (which definitly isnt true), and the non muslims were certain that islam is a terrorist religion, full of agression and destruction and bad morals (which definitly isnt true either). No one will change their stance, for all the arguing in the world.



So there really is no point to arguing about it. Why do we argue about it anyway?



I really dont know. But i'm going to think about it, and you should too. If people stopped to think more often, to think about why they are arguing or slandering or bombing, maybe so many people wouldnt be dying right now.







Screw Out.

Saturday 17 November 2007

On Faith.

I was in the novena today in church, and an interesting sentence stuck in my mind:


'When the son of God comes, will he find faith on earth?'

Tuesday 13 November 2007

On Omniscience and Free Will

Yes, this post is about god. Sue me.
Its not targeted at any religion, its just a short debate thats been going on in my head.



Omniscience VS Free Will
We all know that many religions hold god as omniscient. Which is fair enough, you believe what you want. But then those same people believe that we have free will. This, you ignorant bastards, is contradictory! Free will would mean that god DOESNT know whats gonna happen next!

Lets take an example. We have a guy, called John. Nice fellow. My physics teacher's name is John, but this is another John. He's also nice, but a bit overweight. And he's a whiz with computers, though his FIFA skills need some help.

SO anyway, back on track! Theres' this fellow called John, and he has just been confronted with a choice. A or B.

Scenario 1: God knows all.

Now if god knows all, then he knows which one John will chose. Right? So if he knows, that means that John's choice was written down in stone, foretold, pre-ordained, before he made it! Right? So lets say god KNOWS John will chose A. John HAS to chose A! He has no other choice, because its his destiny, you could say (dramatic, but the word captures the meaning just right.). So if John HAD to chose A, that means he had no real say in the matter. Because whatever happens, no matter what he does, he is GOING to chose A.

Now this means Johnny boy here has no free will. No choice in the matter!
I personally think this is a ridiculous scenario. Because this would mean that we're all SLAVES who have no choice in our lives (YOU can be a slave if you want to, there's no way some greater being determines my life). Also, if this god knows how we will live our lives, why let us live? He could just judge us and get it over with.

If you disagree, please leave a comment and point out where my logic failed. I shall destroy you in my next post.


Scenario 2: God does NOT know all!


Oh my. Blasphemy. Sacrilege. I insulted god! Oh yeah, attack me because of that and show the world how shallow you are!

Anyway. If John has free will, that means there are equal chances of him choosing A or B. Which is in itself the definition of free will! But this means the great and mighty god doesnt know what John will chose(because it's only decided the instant John chooses), and thus god is NOT all knowing and not almighty! Very powerful, maybe, but if you want to have free will, ladies and gentlemen, god CANNOT be omniscient.




There you go. I didnt come to my own conclusion, because thats my own, if you have any brains you'll come to your own conclusion. BUt i dont want to hear anymore idiots going around saying, God is almighty! But i CHOOSE to say that! Because if that sounds like you, well, you're an idiot.

And i hate idiots.



Screw out.

Sunday 11 November 2007

On the Aquarian.

Here you go. This is me. Each paragraph is completely accurate to the point of shock.


http://mizian.com.ne.kr/englishwiz/library/names/zodiac/acquarius.htm



Try looking yourself up too!

On Islamic Cars.

Today, I read the paper, hoping for some nice, sensible news. INSTEAD, do you know what i got?



"Proton to work on 'Islamic' car concept"


Good god.


According to this article, (NST, 11th November 2007, page 15) Malaysia, along with Iran and Turkey, plan to produce 'Islamic' cars for the global market.


What the hell is an Islamic car? According to the article, its a car with 'Islamic Features', such as a compass, kiblat reading, and compartments for keeping the Al-Quran and scarves.


Question: Whats the best way to reduce religious tension in a multi-racial, multi-religious country?

Answer: Why, make a car and give it a religion, of course!


This is absurd, and the concept of a car for one religion is asking for trouble.

Lets say this car performs well compared to other proton cars. Can a non-muslim purchase it? Would a non-muslim WANT to buy a car called 'Islamic'?


By the careless use of the word 'Islamic', Proton has just created a rift. And this is a time when inter-religious relationships are reaching a boiling point. People might argue that this is a small matter, but even small matters can have big effects.


This problem could be avoided by not calling the car an 'Islamic Car' but rather a muslim friendly vehicle, and maybe manufacturing the car in two slightly different models, one with all the features mentioned above, and one without. This is way better than making one car model, marketed as an 'Islamic Car'.


Whats the point of making an 'Islamic Car'? To help spread the religion? Please. Only muslims would buy the car. To make people better muslims? Thats bull. A muslim with an car isnt better than a muslim without it. To make modern automobiles 'Muslim Friendly'? Are modern vehicles unfriendly to them? A compass can be put in, and why do you want to store a Quran in a car? And scarves can be put anywhere. They're just bits of clothes.


No, i think its the commercial potential. So many muslims would JUMP at the chance to own an ISLAMIC car. Why not? Its something to be proud about! The size of the global market! MONEY!



Its shameful, really, the way people would take advantage of good religious people, just in the name of money. Any sort of commercialising or politiscing (is that a word) or any religion, is trully despicable. Thats called SELLING a religion. And whichever god you worship, or pretend to worship, he's not gonna like it.
Screw Out.



Saturday 10 November 2007

On a Musician.

I love music. Its my escape, like alcohol or weed, whenever things start to overwhelm me, i just turn on my Linkin Park, or Three Days Grace, up full volume, close my eyes, and as the great Eminem said, i lose myself in the music.



It really does help. I'd have lost my mind by now if i didnt have my music.



So anyway, we (myself and kelvin) decided to start a band. This happened a while ago, with Monisha, but we've never actually met together and jammed or composed, so we're not officially a band yet (thats mainly due to one of the founding members rotting away in kelantan!). But we decided to prepare, in a casual way.





So i tried my hand at composing. I start, oh say, three months back? And the result hasnt been to bad. I've written five half songs, all of which arent really good (Nickelback is good.), but they're a start. Last night was a good night, i got up in the middle of my sleep and just ran to my guitar, trying to save the tune i had dreamt about. And i did, and enter song number 5!



Its called "Then You'll Know", and i think its my best one yet. I was very relieved when it hit me, i was worried i had hit something of a block.

Now i have my very own method! I wait for inspiration to hit me, casually humming tunes or strumming the guitar till something hits me. The key here is not to try too hard, it has to come naturally. And then i immediately record the original. Its not necessarily the best version, but if you dont save it then and there, you probably wont be able to emulate it later. And that is very frustrating.

Now usually when inspiration hits me, i'll write out part of the song only. The chorus and one verse only, maybe, sometimes just a tune alone. Then comes the hard work. I have to go through the song, make up lyrics to complete it, maybe a solo here and there, and review it over and over till it sounds right. I havent actually been able to put in such an effort yet, thats why i have so many half songs.


WEll, be glad you're reading this blog. You're witnessing the start of a great musical career, and if you leave a comment, maybe when i'm rich and famous, i'll lend you some money.


Or maybe not.

Screw Out.

Being an idiot.

Well! That was a somewhat funny few days. Very up and down.

I just came into the realisation that nothing i do really matters, my opinions dont count, and my actions have no effect on the world, no matter how i try.

And that wasnt the nicest revelation i've had recently!

So anyway, its been a week of internal warring and conflict, confusion, frustration, depression, and loads of porn. And its no where near done.

The problem comes when i try to tell people what i feel. Most of the time they dont really care (why should they? As i said, it wasnt important.), sometimes they disagree with me (which often means i AM wrong and am in idiot), and all of the time, i end up getting irritated with them, and start fights.

But for what? I've some to the conclusion that its pretty useless, because no one is really going to understand me, i dont understand me! So for now i'm gonna stop telling people exactly what i think, and be more cautious.

I hope i can do that, because recently, my self control has been eroded. Maybe its the lack of contact with people?

One thing is for sure, right now, i'm no where near happy. Not even vaguely satisfied. And i dont know why.
One girl told me i shouldnt be complaining, because i have it all right now! I'm back home, with my mum, i have a job, no exams, nothing to break me from what should be a comfortable routine. Myabe she's right. But whether i have a right to complain or not, i'm still unhappy. She called me ungrateful and selfish, but maybe she's right. And that is why i have decided to stop complaining! NOw i shall just talk about sex and porn. Maybe superheroes too. I shall be the screw everyone thinks i am!

NOw when i think about it, all this seems so stupid. Life in general, is so useless! WHatever happens, what ever i say or do or think, there's no point! Whats the use of changing the world? It's gonna get burnt into a husk by the sun anyway! And its the same for everyone. Even you reading this blog. No matter how content you are with life, you must realise it'll be over in a flash, and that its utterly pointless. NO one cares about you, really, and you're just gonna be forgotten one day.



Loser.



Screw Out.

Thursday 8 November 2007

The End.


I'm sick of religion.

God is dead.

Wednesday 7 November 2007

On the Geneticist

Well, boys and girls. Now for an account of what i've been doing at work.

I started in July, and have the official post of Research Assisstant. That means i do the grudge work in the labs. Normally that would've meant things like cleaning test tubes, but i was (am? I hate tenses) lucky. The place i work, the grudge work is what most other people (myself included) would consider cutting edge and sophisticated.

Most of the time i work with bacteria, and their DNA. So far i've cultured bacteria (on both plates and in liquid mediums), and extracted the bacterial DNA (for some reason, when ever i thought of 'DNA extraction', long thin needles came to mind. But its actually nothing like that!). But the MAIN thing i've been doing involves the already extracted DNA.

You see, there are certain parts of the bacteria's DNA whihc are completely unique to that bacteria alone. They can be amplified (as in, from the entire chain of DNA you make many copies of that one unique sequence) using a technique called PCR (polymerase chain reaction). And then the amplified gene (the one unique to that bacteria) can be tested for. This is very useful in identifying a bacterial species.

After running PCR, you can put the DNA sample into this gel, where you do sometnng like chromatography using electricity. Visible bands form on the gel, and from those bands you can tell what the species of the bacteria your playing around with.


So thats what i've been doing so far. Now i'm gonna learn a new thing, to do with protein identification, its called the Western Blot. NOw when i figure out what any of this new stuff means, i'll post it up.


Screw Out.

Tuesday 6 November 2007

An Idea?

As usual, i'm sleepy again. I slept around 3:30 last night, like an idiot, busy talking to Kelvin and Druggie online.

But i'm not gonna fall asleep at work today! I have plenty of work! I have to run the gel for a sample of DNA i amplified yesterday (one of these days when i'm not so sleepy, i'll post exactly what i do at work.), and i have to learn a couple of new things, the western blot and OMPs (Outer-Membrane Proteins, both of which i cant elaborate on as i really am lacking in detailed information).

Anyway, the reason i was up so late was because my good friend Kelvin and i were having a dicussion on rising religious fundamentalism. Its really quite scary, people all over are getting beheaded and forcibly converted and all other nonsense like that. I'd post up my opinions on these inter-religious matters, but i'm too new to blogging, and i dont think writing out all my rather controversial thoughts would be a good idea.

I'd get beheaded.

But i cant just sit on my head and do nothing, can i? Doing nothing tends to frustrate me. So i racked my brains for possible ideas. They're actually quite limited. All those people telling you that ONE PERSON can make a difference in the world, yeah, they're a whole load of idiots. If you look at the world, you'll realise it doesnt give jack shit what you do.

One more osbstacle i had to overcome was my lack of a goal. I'm not against any religion, so slander is pointless. And i'm not trying to convert anyone either (let me try and work on the kinks in my faith, first), so propaganda wouldnt quite work either.

One of the ideas that crossed my mind was to open another blog. Here i'd post up every single bit of news regarding religious interactions, the good and bad, i can find. If i do start such a blog, it wouldnt have any reason other than to keep people informed. Of course i dont have magnificent resources, google will have to be good enough.

Another idea would be to build up an army of mutant zombies and take over the world, establishing my rule over all man. That way, i can destroy extremism!

But maybe i'm not quite ready for that sort of action. YET.

So maybe i'll start up a blog like that. I'd say i'm driven by a need to change the world (though i probably just want power), but my real motivation is fear. Its scary when not even young girls are safe from the senseless, ignorant violence carried out in the name of God.

So perhaps i'll start this blog, and try to help spread the word. Who knows, i might even manage to save a life or two. Its worth the shot.

I'll keep you updated.Screw Out.

Monday 5 November 2007

On Battling the Church


I am sleepy.No matter what i do, what time i sleep, what i do before i sleep, what i dream about, who i hump, i am sleepy. Its become my constant state, whatever i do, i'm sleepy. Oh well.


Yesterday was a somewhat interesting day, i went to church (there's a whole story on that coming up!), then i came back home and became totally emo, spilling my life story out to miss Ashvini. I think this solitary confinement equivalent i'm going through is making me a real softie!


The Church. Like any good devout catholic guy, i go to church every sunday. Yesterday, i went to church, and guess what happened!

Absolute jack shit.

Nothing happens in church for me anymore. Its completely unmoving these days. I remember going to church and being so touched, being compelled to become better, all that stuff. Now its just like a boring lecture i have to sit through, and i count each minute till the mass finished (i can go thump the church drum set.)

I reckon its because i've started having trouble believing in God. Is God real? Is he the catholic God, or some other god?

Or could religion perhaps be mankinds greatest invention?

Kelvin has this theory that christianity in particular is based off greek mythology, to a certain extent. It has to do with Zeus becoming God(lightning bolt, anyone?), and Hades and Poseid0n melded together to become Satan (the ruler of the underworld plus the trident/pitchfork). He also said something about some greek king supposedly rising from the dead three days after he died (which he claims to be what Jesus' ressurection is based on), but i havent figured out which king, so i cant really say.

The concept of "God" itself might have been fabricated. What better way to control society? Earthly law, lets face it, has a rather fragile hold on the people. The authorithies wont be able to catch you if you run fast enough. So how do you keep errant people in check? Tell them that there is a god! Tell them that everything they do, small or big, is recorded and archived, and when they die (which they will. Only i am immortal.), they will be judged. The concept of a judgement you cannot escape would probably terrify the people into order.

So perhaps, my religion is entirely fabricated! That is one immense thought. Perhaps not my religion alone, but the entire concept of God. The afterlife. Judgement. Salvation and damnation. WHat if its all fake? What if, when you die, you're dead! End of story? Only the thoughts you express in blogs carry on after you?

This topic, actually, has been the basis of numerous debates, most of them involving Kelvinder. I'm a bit of a devil's advocate, when someone is arguing for the existance of God, i argue against, and when some argues that God is purely conceptual (Kelvinder), i argue for his existance.

Yes, i know, i'm supposed to chose a side, but i cant, not yet.

Now here's an even scarier thought. What if God is REAL!? Can you imagine what that must be like? Someone up there knows everything about you. EVERYTHING. Each and every small thing you've done, your shame and mistakes, stuff you havent told anyone, and never intend to, He KNOWS.

I reckon if he does exist, he's not exactly omnipotent. He doesnt know whats gonna happen in the future (if the concept of time applies to him at all), because if he did, then he could just judge us as soon as we're born and be done with it. Nay, i'd say it is more likely that he knows every single possibilty. Of course, there are an infinite number of ways the future could turn out, each influenced by the decisions of billions of individuals. Its actually impossible for us to fathom the amount of possibilities, let alone the outcomes themselves, but hey, He's God, i'm sure thats well within his capailities.

There isnt any evidence proving God exists (but hey. There's no evidence to say he doesnt exist either!) . Those days God might have been used to fill in gaps in science, but modern science doesnt need it anymore. Back then, people would've wondered where animals came from. God? Now we say evolution. They would've wondered how this planet came to be. God? Now we say dust thrown up from the birth of a star.

The only thing i reckon science wont be able to explain is the Big Bang. First there was nothing, and then there was lots of things. God, perhaps?

Kelvin (him again, i know!) says that people believe in God because its easier than disbelieving, its makes them feel safe and secure and gives life purpose. But i disagree! For me personally, i'd find it easier to take life at face value, to do as i please, and to not worry about death because that'll be the end and then i'd have nada to worry about. But believing in God, believing that i'm not in full control of my life, and that when i die i'm gonna be judged for my sins (oh and there are many! In my previous blog i even complimented Arsenal!), thats hard.

So anyway. Right now, i think its not that important what you believe in. To me, whats important is that its a thinking belief. Its important that before a person commits himself to an opinion that he examines it carefully in his head (as i'm doing currently, i'll let you know what i've decided). You can decide that God doesnt exist(because there is no evidence), or you can decide that He does (because the meaning of Faith is believing without the need for proof). But whatever you chose, as long as you've thought about it long and hard and true, you cant really go wrong.

But i bet God is having one big laugh over this whole topic. Even though we say we arent sure, or we dont believe in him, we spend so much time thinking about him, i'm sure thats akin to praying. =D

So anyway, new DNA samples came into the lab today, so i have to run off and do my PCR. I'm actually feeling somewhat lazy (because i'm sleepy), but the sooner i finish, the better.

So for now, Screw Out.

Sunday 4 November 2007

Number One

Well! My first blog post. I feel so very proud.
So let us record this exact moment. It is 12.17 pm, Sunday, the 4th of November 2007. I'm at work currently, but due to the lack of DNA samples, i've got zilch to do. Thus this blog has been created, to hopefully help abate this boredom, and give me an outlet to express myself.

Ofcourse, i still say 'blogging' is a fancy way of saying 'talking to yourself'. Anyway, this blog was really the brain child of one miss Ashvini(of The Coconut Chronicles), someone i met online only yesterday. Kelvinder introduced me to her, and she said she was blogging, and suggested i try it. And despite me saying that i was too lazy, and i'll probably get arrested by various govermnents for it, she convinced me (flattery always works).

So that means, all thanks and complaints to her please.

Yesterday, Manchester United played Arsenal in the Emirates. Both teams have been playing quite fantastically. I'm ofcourse a United supporter (i'm intelligent), and their latest run of results were very pleasing. How often does a team score four goals, four times in a row? No that often. But arsenal have been playing well too, the quick one touch passing, running off the ball play i love watching. I still think they're a bunch of moaning pansies and their manager isnt anywhere near Sir Fergie, but i must admit, i was rather skeptical about Uniteds chances of winning against them, especially after Liverpool just got away with a draw (i know its arsenal who were trailing, but really, Liverpool was on the backfoot the whole time).

So anyway, i was most delighted when United grabbed the first goal from under Arsenal's nose just before half time, and not in the least surprised when Arsenal equalised later. The match definitly was a great one, both teams playing like the top two teams in England (whihc they are), and when Evra made that astounding run to lay off Ronaldo, i jumped and whooped, spilling all my nice cheese flavoured twisties. From then on, i reckon united had the upper hand. A few scattered chances, with niether team really able to penetrate the other's penalty area much (Ferdinand rocks!), and Arsenal didnt really seem as threatening as they usually are.

BUT then.
Stoppage time. I was literally chewing my nails off, eyes glued to the screen. And then the worse possible possibility happened. A scrambled goal, given by the linesman (oh why, oh why, could he have no blinked?), and Arsenal salvaged a point. 2-2. Bastards.
I'll agree its a fair result though, and the title race is still wide open. But if arsenal JUST managed to wrangle out a point from United at the Emirates, i wish them all the best for their travels to Old Trafford.

One more interesting thing. Whihc team, at the end of the game, seemed more happy with the draw? Arsenal. That speaks for itself.

So anyway. I woke up today quite depressed. We were so close to grabbing a win. And taking a big leap towards retaining the title! And then all the dreams vanished, in a puff of linesman's flag. The amount of emotion we males invest in sport! Its more than most people invest in marriage! But hey, watching Evra dash into the Arsenal penalty area was certainly worth the investment.This is going to be the most interesting season yet.

So there you have it. My first blog. I wrote more than i expected i would, whihc is good, it means i'll probably write again sometime, when an interesting thought or two hit me.

So till then, Screw Out